When you are born
You are born chained
Chained to what you’ve grown accustomed to
Facing away from what is true and new
There is comfort in the cradle
Of your mothers tender whisper
But even the smallest of babes
Learn to crawl away sooner or later.
In the cave it is safe and no one asks questions
But isn’t there more that you’ve heard in soft voice
mentioned?
The fire is warm, bright, inviting
The sun will burn your skin, the clouds bring lightning
With that in mind it is time to be brave.
No turning back once you’ve stepped out of the cave.
I'm not much of a poet. But I'd like to hear feed back!
So good! I really like it :) The beginning really drew me in and the imagery is well thought out. The ending leaves an impact as well. On a sonnet the structure can be found here but I don't think you should change a thing I love the free structure and creativity it has. Good job.
ReplyDeleteCan you comment on my blog please :)
Yeah many people have been picky about the structure of a sonnet. For me, as long as its 14 lines and it leaves a poetic impact it is good. I agree with Valerie, the imagery is good :)
ReplyDeleteYour use of words really leave an impact on the imagery that people see, and the structure isn't orthodox because the standard English sonnet is abab cdcd efef gg but I'm in no position to argue because I didn't follow it either (out of ignorance). I agree with Feli, I'm saying that 14 lines and any rhyme scheme is fine
ReplyDeleteNice Beka! I like how you used and rhymed certain words. Good job(:
ReplyDeleteLike Feli mentioned im not a stickler on the rhyming scheme, but hey you had 14 lines of damn good imagery relevant to the major themes of the sonnet, what else can anyone (Preston...) ask for really? Anyways, excellent work Beka!
ReplyDeleteVery good Beka! Very poetic, and I actually like that it doesn't follow that rhyming pattern than everyone including myself seems to use. Sometimes, it's just more poetic with a certain flow and words that make you SEE what's happening. :) Good job.
ReplyDeleteTruly unique and different from the rest aren't you?! Haha great job on this sonnet. I can really see your understanding of the allegory, I love your imagery, and its 14 lines! Good job~!(:
ReplyDeleteRemember that the sonnet also has to be written in iambic pentameter, the pattern of 10 syllables. But you are an artist with your English... I am really jealous and all I can do is admire your talents. Great impact on the audience and deep meaning in so few words is a gift.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your poem. I like your use of imagery and all that jazz :) K bye.
ReplyDeleteVery deep and compelling...great job! My only criticism is try to use iambic pantameter!
ReplyDeleteEpic poem and great insight! Well done!
ReplyDeletei like the last line! good job!
ReplyDeleteI love your poem! Deffinately the most original by far! I love how you created your own imagery rather than focusing on the prisoner in the cave. This shows you really understood the allegory.
ReplyDeleteThat was a really cool poem your phrases were awesome
ReplyDelete*low whistle* Very niiiice, Beka :) I especially love the last two lines in the sonnet. It really hit deep there for me. Great job on your skillzzz in writing sonnets!
ReplyDeleteA little dark, but wonderful as always. I would like to see you recite this! haha
ReplyDeletegreat sonnet!
ReplyDeletei dont have questions on the book so far
my blog is http://danig14.blogspot.com/
Nice nice! I was drawn in instantly. As others had said already, the sonnet structure is off. But still well done. My favorite lines have to be the last couplet. It really ended the whole sonnet nice and strong!
ReplyDeleteholy pickles BekathePixie yours is my favorite so far. Recognizing how difficult it is to step out of your cave, but be brave, cuz you can't spend the rest of your life just being a slave. I loved it!
ReplyDelete"Tender whisper"
ReplyDeleteSexual. I like;)
Kathryn Greenup just be my lover already.
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